I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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