dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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