It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's just like the Real World with babies
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
