Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
