Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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