Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
