how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
