i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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