I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
