Your tits are I can't wait for
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
