LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
