part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
