i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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