I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
