shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
