some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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