smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need moral support for this bender
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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