You're so nebulous sometimes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
