Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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