Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
