please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
