Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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