they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
