and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
