the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
