i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
