she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
