On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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