you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
