its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
