im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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