I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
