Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I deserve this hangover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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