if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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