Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
