dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
