apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
