Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
