You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
