he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
