She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
