I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
