i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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