Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
