I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
