I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
