she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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