This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
