i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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