my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
