Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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