we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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