Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
