Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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