I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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