I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
