Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
