There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
