i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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