best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
