Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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